Help Youth Lay the Foundation of a Happy Marriage©

 Introduction: I am starting a new series in this blog. Since I became active in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints more than 60 years ago at age 17, I have loved the teachings and counsel of the Apostles and Prophets, ancient and modern. Now in my dotage, I have increased the time I devote to a study of the words of the modern apostles and prophets. My collections of quotations from them on virtually every conceivable spiritual subject and many others is extensive and growing faster now than ever before. Much of what they have and continue to say is so applicable on a personal and a family basis that I have elected to do a series I am calling, “Personal and Family Application of the Teachings and Counsel of Living Prophets.”

Each entry will provide an unusual, insightful, and helpful quotation from church leaders in this dispensation, followed by generally brief commentary and suggestions. Much of it will be aimed at my grandchildren, former CRM missionaries who served in California with us from 2002-2005, and anyone else who may find the subjects interesting and worthwhile. So, here is the first one.

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“Personal and Family Application of the Teachings and Counsel of Living Prophets”

Quotation 1:  Help Youth Lay the Foundation of a Happy Marriage© 

Last night, Saturday 9 October 2021, was a bit sleepless so I turned on the reading light on my night stand and opened a book of the teachings of President David O. McKay called Man May Know for Himself, compiled from his writings by his secretary Clare Middlemiss. I'm halfway into this book and presently in a section about marriage and family. In an early morning hour I read the following statement directed to the youth of the church:

If you want to have a happy home, ever keep in mind the fact that you are going to lay the foundation for it in your teens before you even choose your mate.(1)

A simple, almost self-evident statement, yes!  I suspect many of you reading this, like me, said to your self, “Well, Dan, I know that!”  But do you really?  I admit I don’t remember ever consciously thinking when I was young, or at anytime since, that I laid the foundation for my marriage in my teenage years.  And I certainly did not teach that simple truth to any of my children overtly, and probably not inadvertently.  I never taught it in a class in seminary or institute, or in any talk I have given in a myriad of settings over the last 60 years. So, if it is so self-evident and simple, why didn’t I pass it on? The truth is, the thought did not pass through this thick head for 78 years, until last night.

Here’s my recommendation to my grandchildren, returned missionaries from CRM, and anyone else who will listen. Teach your children from the time they are little up through the time they get married the absolute necessity and importance of being married in the Lord’s way in the temple.  It is one of the five required ordinances for exaltation.  

Then, teach them over, and over, and over again that they must use part of their youth to lay a proper foundation for that marriage, and you help them do that! That includes, gaining a testimony of and living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, doing as much as they can to build a character based on the attributes of Jesus Christ, and here President McKay emphasizes as a beginning, honesty, loyalty, chastity, and reverence.(2) It includes personal worthiness, with an emphasis on chastity for both men and women (check this book out, President McKay has much to teach about this subject), taking care of one’s body and physical health, and education.  I could say more, and you should to your own children and grand children.  What follows are a few brief suggestions to act as triggers as to how parents may do this.  Your own understanding and creativity will come up with more.

1. Regularly devote FHEs and dinner time discussions to the subject of the doctrine of marriage, and to explaining that  youth is the time they lay the foundation for a happy marriage by what they believe, know, and do.
2. Discuss with children what a foundation is and how it applies to the idea of a future relationship such as marriage. Discuss the various elements of that foundation of a happy marriage.
3. You could discuss the teachings of Jesus at the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount about foundations and their importance. Be sure you are clear on what the foundation is. There are several other important passages about foundations in the Standard Works you could talk about.
4. You could use President Nelson’s first talk in the October 2021 General Conference which discusses strengthening one’s spiritual foundation.
5. Help children see that important time must be spent in laying this foundation and doing so is much more important than learning to ride a skateboard, play video games, spend endless hours texting friends on social media, becoming a beauty queen or a macho man, surfeiting one’s life with entertainment, fun, and pleasure.  President Kimball once said because of Satan’s increasing influence, parents must do their work “better, sooner.”  Don’t fall into the trap that youth is a time that can be wasted without consequence. What foundation is laid if one’s youth is spent in pursuit of these things? Can it ever be recovered? Do you believe a two-year mission will compensate for a wasted youth? Isn’t that a dangerous philosophy and belief in which to place the trust of the future of your children’s marriage and family life?

If you have other related quotations and ideas about this subject, please share them here in the comment section.

Let’s think together again, soon.

Notes:

1.  Clare Middlemiss, comp., Man May Know for Himself: Teachings of President David O. McKay, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book, 1967, 250.

2. McKay, Man May Know for Himself, 216.